So I was watching this documentary called "The Aggressives" for the first time and I became just a little bit offended. Don't get me wrong I loved the concept of it. The way they shadowed real women and told their stories of being out lesbians helps us in our acceptance with society. What I didn't like about the documentary is that they seemed to only address aggressiveness with studs. So are they saying that femmes can't be aggressive also?
By definition aggressive means assertive. I mean I would consider myself an aggressive femme.I'm very assertive. If I see someone I'm attracted to I'm capable of approaching them. I have several friends that feel the same way. Just because we don't dress boyish doesn't mean we don't meet the criteria. I thought the whole aggressive label described a lesbian as the one in a relationship who was most likely to take control. I date studs and femmes. I can totally take control in both situations. And have in both aspects.
Aggressiveness should not be what describes a woman from the outside appearance. That's what the labels: stud, femme, butch, stem, etc. are for. You can clearly look at one of us and tell by the way we dress what category we fall in. Well... usually. But if someone would actually come up to me and ask what do I identify myself as, my answer would be an aggressive femme. I mean that in all aspects of the description. Sexually, I'm not gonna put my business out there but let's say I don't just lay there. Mentally, I'm always thinking of ways to provide for my son, myself, and who I'm with. No I don't expect a stud to pay for everything we do. In fact more often then not I'm the one who pays. Physically I can handle my own. I know how to protect myself and if need be who I'm with. Don't let the pretty face and the curves fool you. I can throw down and have in my time.
So what I'm trying to figure out is if society thinks that studs are the only ones in the lesbian community that are aggressive. Do they not look at the femme on femme (or lipstick lesbian) relationships and not know that one of the two has to dominate the other? That goes even in heterosexual relationships. Someone has to dominate. And guess what I know a few heterosexual relationships where the woman is the one who wears the pants. Just saying.
i guess they mean that more so the studs are the "aggressors." I also think they are trying to be politically correct and trying to cover their asses. They could also be trying to relate to the heterosexual world idk i just dont think its intended to be as literal as your taking it, speaking as a stud.
ReplyDeleteNot every relationship has to have a person who "dominates". I like egalitarian and as close to equality as a relationship can get. However, in terms of "dominating", the only thing in a relationship I require is an older feminine-looking woman who is at least 10 years older than me. That still wouldnt qualify her as a "dominator" or me as one either. Just different age dynamics which could take on different power dynamics as well, but nothing extreme.
ReplyDeleteAggressives is a term that they have chosen as an identity. It has nothing to do, really with how other lesbians form relationships with power, dominance or masculinity. Assertive femmes are real, and are fantastic. It's just not really the point. Aggressives literally identify, and fill a societal role as men, also. Personally I think it's important to highlight, that in some ways, this is a transgender experience. Perhaps genderqueer is more appropriate. It's much more about gender performance than sexual orientation.
ReplyDelete