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My girl got a girlfriend.

According to Young Dro and Ray Lavender, my girl gotta girlfriend, and it's ok with them. But let's be real in the Lesbian community if you find out your girl has a girl on the side, man shit is gonna go down. Cheating happens whether you're straight or gay. Problem is that in a lesbian relationship, it's more likely to cause a physical altercation.

I had a friend ask me why that is. Well if you're a smart woman, who are you more likely to fight a man with more strength than you, or a woman who you are equally matched with? Many fights among couples derive from feeling betrayed by their partner. And most lesbian domestic violence issues go unreported.

Here's a scenario. A woman and her lover (one fem, one stud) are together for years. The fem gets bored with the relationship but loves her partner too much to end the relationship. So instead of ending the relationship, she takes on a sexual lover whom her girlfriend would never suspect... another fem. The other woman posing as nothing more than a harmless friend, all the while a lot of extracurricular activity is happening. See the betrayal? Btw this is totally a hypothetical scenario

Even if a man was cheated on by his with another woman he's not really gonna be ok with it. His ego is gonna be shot to hell. Yea the idea of the three of them getting together may get him hard but in the end a man does not want to have to compete with a woman for his girl. Remember the Sisqo "Somebody's sleeping in My Bed?"

Cheaters never prosper, what goes around comes around, what goes on in the dark always comes to the light, all of these things add up to one thing: KARMA IS A BITCH. Still even having said all of this cheating will continue. And some woman's girl has a girlfriend on the side out there. Be careful.

Types

So my girlfriend and I are constantly getting into arguments because she says I'm a flirt and that the women I flirt with always fall into the category of "my type." My usual type is light-skinned women with long hair. She's right about one thing, I am a flirt. But it comes along with the job. I have been serving and bar-tending so long that I do it as second nature. Do I do it to hurt her? No, absolutely not. I care for her deeply and would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. But as far as this type thing goes, man I'm just sick of hearing about it.

Truth be told, I have this light-skinned, long hair FETISH because I have been in love with Alicia Keys since Song in A Minor. I mean who wasn't in love with her? But ask me about my first girl friend. Hmmm, while I'm thinking about that, that's a good topic for another blog. (Noted) Anyways, she was tall, chubby, dark-skinned, with dookie braids! Hey we are talking about 1997 don't judge the dookie braids!! And as far as I'm concerned. That's completely opposite of my so called type.

Let's talk about my current girl. She's dark brown skinned with a golden undertone, shoulder length dreads, about my height when I don't have heels on, but has the most amazing eyes. I often find myself staring at her because her beauty takes me by surprise every time. As a matter of fact, scrolling through her pictures just now and I was perplexed to realize that I was actually staring at each picture as though I have never seen her before.

What is a type anyway? A preference? And let's say you have been dating your "type" all your life and you look back to see that all of the relationships you've had with that type never lasted long, were superficial, or were no good for you. Wouldn't that make you want to try other types? This is what I really think. I want a woman who is going to have my back through thick and thin, that can take care of herself and even me when I need a helping hand. A woman that can keep a smile on my face, keep the relationship exciting, and show me things I've never seen before. I want a woman that knows what she wants hands down, is secure in herself, and can appreciate having a good woman on her arm. Now that's a type. The rest of it, looks, are shallow.

Don't fit that profile? Then you're not my type.

Uhauling

So the running lesbian joke is: What does a lesbian bring to the second date? The answer: a Uhaul. Ugh. Unfortunately, I know this to be true on so many different levels. I can't begin to tell you the number of my friends who fall in love on the first date and by the second they are shacking up or damn near close to it. The thought of it scares me shitless. Don't even leave a t-shirt on accident when you come over my place.You're trying to mark your territory so my other chicks will get mad and not come back over, I know that trick. Lol!

No but really, as women we are emotional creatures. Our pheromones release as toxins into the air and often allow for disillusionment of feelings and judgement. Thus the whole, I love you today, I hate you tomorrow syndrome, esp. if you've had sex on the first night. You might as well call it a wrap, it's over. Too many women confuse good sex for love. Hell, even bad sex. For some reason to them sex is love. Wrong! Sex is sex. Good sex is great! Bad sex is don't call me again I'm no longer interested and we are too grown so I'm not gonna teach you. Love is when you can't breath with the thought of not being with the one you're with. When you know them so well you are always on the same page without even needing to speak. Having special looks that only the two of you share, and endless friendship that consumes your heart. Sorry got carried away on a memory.

Anyways a shirt becomes a toothbrush. A toothbrush becomes an extra outfit. An extra outfit becomes a flat iron, brush, comb, make-up. Then there's the here's a key meet me at my place when you get off one time deal, that turns into well just keep it so I don't have to let you in when you come over tomorrow. You're staying over 4 or 5 nights a week, leaving from her house to go to work in the morning. Next thing you know it's "hey you're always over here anyways why don't you move in so we both can save on some money" Now here comes the Uhaul. Ugh! Just saying the name makes my skin crawl!! Lol

Hey I'm not mad at you for it. If you like it I love it. It's just not for me. I like my space. I like being able to go home if we get into an argument. It's like', oh yea that's how you feel? I don't have to take this I'm going home!!" Lol. I'm not bitter. And I'm definitely not scared of commitment. I just feel it takes time to get to that point. I like to get to know who I'm with first. Can you really get to know someone after only a date? A month? 6 months? I eventually want the whole fairytale fantasy life where i come home with to my wifey, cook a nice meal, and crawl up in bed together for a nice close to the evening. *Sigh Sounds absolutely heavenly. But I'm taking my time to get there. No hurt feelings this go 'round.

In my conclusion, lol, I don't care if it's Uhaul, Penske, Ryder, or Budget, on the second date please don't bring it. I'm not interested. Just bring an interesting conversation and some laughs. We'll get along better that way!! But then I can never say never.

None Of Your Friend's Business

We are probably all guilty of this to some degree. Gossiping to your best friend about your latest boo. Whether we are discussing the juicy details of last night's date, kiss, or sexual escapade; or we are dishing about a fantasy (in my case) woman who we were checking out at the mall, we do it. So here's a few problems with it.
1. Often times our friends get envious, curious, or live off our encounters.
2. The person you're dishing about usually wouldn't be comfortable with if they knew you were telling just how good their head game was or wasn't!!!
3. Some people really just don't know how to keep their mouths shut after you've told them something. So now not only does your bf know but her sister, your girls, the cashier at the corner store...etc.

Now if you have good friends then you really don't have nothing to worry about. But even a good friend can go bad if you're constantly boasting on your sexual fulfillment. Eventually someone is gonna start to wonder what if? Some of them are gonna be bold as hell. And some are just gonna be down right trifling. Can't begin to tell you the number of stories I hear of my best friend slept with my girl or man. Well guess what... If you didn't tell her how good it was she probably wouldn't want to see it for herself.

Or better yet, you do have a damn good friend who just listens and supports you and who your with. But you've told her all our business and now when I come around all she can do is smile at me. I'm wondering WTF, and come to find out she knows about the way I poured Moscato over your breast and sucked them dry. Yea awkward moment.

Now I'm a hypocrite on this subject because I'm definitely guilty of leaving a date and calling my girls up and spilling the beans about everything we did and the feelings that I have about the night, morning, or day. But honestly I shouldn't do it. The good thing for me though is that the majority of my friends are straight so I'm not worried about them crossing over to my side and trying out my beau at the moment. It still doesn't make it right though. Esp. cuz my friends are the ones to call her out when they meet her.

Regardless of the matter we are still gonna do it. I just say use caution while doing it. Be mindful of the outcomes that can occur as a result. Try to practice will power. What the hell, I know that even after this I'm still going to call up my friends and talk!! You're even going to catch a few stories in this blog so... Lmfao!!

Sexting

Her: What are you wearing?
Me: A wife beater, some purple boy shorts, and a pair of purple heels.
Her: Sounds sexy! You should send me a pic.
Me: Or I could send you a video with some visual graphics and sounds!

Oh yea you know exactly where this is going!!! Good old safe sexting! You know where you engage in sex via text message. It's a good way to practice safe sex and get yourself off at the same time!! Lol. Or even better a form of foreplay before the real fireworks begin later on that evening!

Now this is my question: When you're sexting are you actually performing the acts that you say you are or are you just bullshitting around and just saying shit? Me, myself, I'm guilty of both. There's been times where I was really horny enough to... well you know! I've gone so far as to have a full blown uh... hmm. And there's times when I'm just playing around and want to see just how far she will take the conversation.

The problem with sexting is that if you are actually performing, you have to wait minuets for a response. So its, text, wait, wait, wait, read, text, wait, wait, wait, read, and so on. Kinda kills the moment. But if she really knows what she's doing then even the moments in between can leave you hot and expectant. Anticipation is the equal to teasing. It's the watching but no touching pleasure of sex. *Daydreaming* Lol sorry slipped away for a sec. But it can also be the evil deal breaking turnoff if you're waiting too long between messages.

Hey here's a word to the wise: if your cheating don't leave the evidence in your phone!!! Yes texting is cheating. And sexting, well that's the almost as bad as going out and actually having sex with someone else. Could be worse depending on the types of things you're texting! So in conclusion, even when sexting you have to use protection. No sex is the best sex. But sexting is next after no sex. Just proceed with caution.

Studs vs. Femmes

So I was watching this documentary called "The Aggressives" for the first time and I became just a little bit offended. Don't get me wrong I loved the concept of it. The way they shadowed real women and told their stories of being out lesbians helps us in our acceptance with society. What I didn't like about the documentary is that they seemed to only address aggressiveness with studs. So are they saying that femmes can't be aggressive also?

By definition aggressive means assertive. I mean I would consider myself an aggressive femme.I'm very assertive. If I see someone I'm attracted to I'm capable of approaching them. I have several friends that feel the same way. Just because we don't dress boyish doesn't mean we don't meet the criteria. I thought the whole aggressive label described a lesbian as the one in a relationship who was most likely to take control. I date studs and femmes. I can totally take control in both situations. And have in both aspects.

Aggressiveness should not be what describes a woman from the outside appearance. That's what the labels: stud, femme, butch, stem, etc. are for. You can clearly look at one of us and tell by the way we dress what category we fall in. Well... usually. But if someone would actually come up to me and ask what do I identify myself as, my answer would be an aggressive femme. I mean that in all aspects of the description. Sexually, I'm not gonna put my business out there but let's say I don't just lay there. Mentally, I'm always thinking of ways to provide for my son, myself, and who I'm with. No I don't expect a stud to pay for everything we do. In fact more often then not I'm the one who pays. Physically I can handle my own. I know how to protect myself and if need be who I'm with. Don't let the pretty face and the curves fool you. I can throw down and have in my time.

So what I'm trying to figure out is if society thinks that studs are the only ones in the lesbian community that are aggressive. Do they not look at the femme on femme (or lipstick lesbian) relationships and not know that one of the two has to dominate the other? That goes even in heterosexual relationships. Someone has to dominate. And guess what I know a few heterosexual relationships where the woman is the one who wears the pants. Just saying.

Single Lesbian Mom

My baby boy is the single most important person in my life. I won't go into details about his conception but if you know me then you know the story. For those of you who don't know, yes, I was a lesbian prior to his conception.

My son has been born into "the life." So he understands the whole "my mommy likes women" concept. In fact my son is so in-tune with my preference that if a man approaches me in a manner where he is trying to get to know me, my son becomes and instant cock-blocker!! However, if a woman approaches me in the same manner, he steps aside and allows the exchange. This can be because he's a mamma's boy and the thought of another man having my attention is completely off base with him. Or it could be that he really does prefer for me to be happy in my lifestyle. I'll ask him when he gets older!

My son is 4 years old. Many of my friends ask me if I am worried that he will be teased growing up having a lesbian for a mother. I definitely feel as though because he was born into my lifestyle he will be a lot more tolerant of the situation. I mean this is a new day and time. Homosexuality is a lot more accepted than it use to be. I'm pretty sure he will have kids in the class that will have gay parents as well. And it's not as though I'm going to go to his school with at rainbow shirt on that says I love women on it.

My difficulty is here: I've met so many women that want to date me but don't want to deal with a child. Yes that's right. It's not that they are turned off that I've had sex with a man before. It's that they are selfish and don't want to share my time. Fine no big deal. But when I come back and ask them if it's because they don't want children, they say "no I just want to have my own child with you. I don't want to raise someone else's" Notice the quotation marks. Yes that was an actual quote that someone said to me.

It's like this, in a lesbian relationship it's physically impossible to have a child. A man has to be involved in one way or another. Whether he is donating his sperm artificially or actually (you know what I mean), unfortunately he has to donate his sperm. I'm waiting on China to perfect this whole mating of two eggs to create a child thing they are experimenting with. Anyways, no matter how it goes, whether they date me and I already have a child, or they date someone else and have a child with them, they are always going to be raising someone else's baby.

So not only do I get blacklisted by society for being a lesbian, I get blacklisted by the lesbian community because I have a child. Hmm go figure. Oh well I'm happy with or without you. If you don't want to date a woman with a child, someone else will. You could have just missed out on the single most important person in your life!!

Deleting and letting go of the past

Ok so as most of you know I'm no longer seeing a few people. There's one in particular that I share a few mutual friends and am still friends with on the ever so popular Facebook. Now here lies the problem. I still get her status updates and see pictures when she posts them. And you know that ever so annoying feature on FB that shows past status updates from certain friends on the advertisement section... yea I'm getting some of hers that are in reference to me back when we were dating. Seriously, ugh.

So now what do I do? Do I delete her as my friend? Is that the final step to letting go of the past? I'm not the type to completely cut off someone even if we don't work out. We can always be cool, or sometimes friends if we are both able to handle it. Plus it's kinda nice to know when something cool is going on with her. Except sometimes it drives me insane. I can't be that vindictive or shallow that I can't deal with seeing a post from her time and time again. I can't still have feelings for her that are preventing me from deleting her all together. What does it say about her that she hasn't deleted me.

I have this rule in my life called Control+ Alt+ Delete. Most of you know what that means in computer terms. Push all three buttons at the same time and the task manager pops up and allows you to end what your doing, esp. if the program is not responding. Same concept can apply to life. Here: Control- Control your temper or the situation. Alt- Find an alternate solution to the problem. Delete- Delete what's hurting your or causing the problem all together. And viola the person, job, or situation is no longer an issue.

By applying this rule to this situation though, I'm creating a barrier for my friends that I have in common with her. That could pose as a problem to them, and is really just unfair. Plus honestly I really do want to be her friend. Or in the least I'll admit I'm a little bitch and want her to be miserable when she sees how successful I turn out and what we could have been. Yea I think that's what it is. So to delete or not to delete that is the question.

The Dating Game

I've been back dating now for a few months. Ugh is all I can say. Why is it so hard? Well no let me clear that up. Dating for me is not hard. It's like every woman I have gone out with has fallen in love with me and wanted to take things further... already. Are we in that era of life where it's "hey let's make a commitment" after the first date. Or is it just the emotionally unbalanced trait of women all together? Case in point. There is one chick that I went out with and literally now she is ready to call up every woman in her phone to let them know she is off the market. Then there is an old flame I've been hanging with but I just can't seem to get it right with her.
I try not to smother her, she wants me to. I try to allow her to do what she wants to, she wants to be with me. And yes all that is great!! I would love nothing but to be with her. So why don't I? Hmmm... I say I'm ready. But obviously I'm not if she's only asking simple things of me and I can't comply. And I don't even know why it's so hard for me. She wants me to call more. Normally I smother who I want with calls and texts. She wants to see me every chance I have. Perfect normally I would try to see who I want every day of the week. I'm so out of character. I'm putting so much slack in the leash that I'm hanging myself. I don't even know how to tighten the line.
Maybe I'm still screwed up from the last relationship. So how do I fix it. And not just for her, for every woman I'm dating. I don't want to become bitter. Better yet I don't want to become a man. I can definitely see myself having the mentality of a man right now. Omg help me!!

She's Here

So as you can see, I haven't blogged in awhile. But I'm back and I still have plenty of topics to talk about. Here's a quick update. I'm no longer dating A. I'm officially single for like 8 months. And I'm taking a fresh approach to life. I'm single. Wow!! I'm dating new women and finally taking note to the things the I truly like, don't like, and will and will not tolerate. That being said. I have gone out with a new woman three times now. She's very interesting. We have great conversations, we have many things in common. And I generally like her. But I'm not sure the chemistry is there. But I want it to be. This is so weird. She is probably the one woman I've dated that i have the most in common with and you would think that sparks would be flying all over the board. Especially if I'm rooting for her. Right? She's says I'm perfect for her. I think she's perfect for me. But neither one of gets that light headed dizzy feeling when we get together. Could it be that for the first time I'm actually faced with the right woman and I don't know how an attraction other than purely sexual and physical looks like? I've had so many of the wrong women pass through my life to spark my flame and now that the right one has passed my way I've had too much false chemistry to know what true chemistry looks like.

Anyways this woman is simply amazing. Where I fall weak in an area, she can pick up the slack and vise verse. I'm a neat freak, she's messy. I have a lackadaisical attitude about bill paying, she pays everything on time and early. I'm wild and crazy and she's the designated driver! Can't wait to see where this new relationship goes. No pressure. I mean there are other women I'm dating, getting to know, etc. Then there's an ex that is interested in getting back together. Yet the fave of the bunch is this non spark inducing woman who is everything I ask for in a woman. Please stay tuned to find out how things turn out.