Where I always speak my mind and have interesting stories to tell!!!

April 16, 2011

Single Lesbian Mom



My baby boy is the single most important person in my life. I won't go into details about his conception but if you know me then you know the story. For those of you who don't know, yes, I was a lesbian prior to his conception.

My son has been born into "the life." So he understands the whole "my mommy likes women" concept. In fact my son is so in-tune with my preference that if a man approaches me in a manner where he is trying to get to know me, my son becomes and instant cock-blocker!! However, if a woman approaches me in the same manner, he steps aside and allows the exchange. This can be because he's a mamma's boy and the thought of another man having my attention is completely off base with him. Or it could be that he really does prefer for me to be happy in my lifestyle. I'll ask him when he gets older!

My son is 4 years old. Many of my friends ask me if I am worried that he will be teased growing up having a lesbian for a mother. I definitely feel as though because he was born into my lifestyle he will be a lot more tolerant of the situation. I mean this is a new day and time. Homosexuality is a lot more accepted than it use to be. I'm pretty sure he will have kids in the class that will have gay parents as well. And it's not as though I'm going to go to his school with at rainbow shirt on that says I love women on it.

My difficulty is here: I've met so many women that want to date me but don't want to deal with a child. Yes that's right. It's not that they are turned off that I've had sex with a man before. It's that they are selfish and don't want to share my time. Fine no big deal. But when I come back and ask them if it's because they don't want children, they say "no I just want to have my own child with you. I don't want to raise someone else's" Notice the quotation marks. Yes that was an actual quote that someone said to me.

It's like this, in a lesbian relationship it's physically impossible to have a child. A man has to be involved in one way or another. Whether he is donating his sperm artificially or actually (you know what I mean), unfortunately he has to donate his sperm. I'm waiting on China to perfect this whole mating of two eggs to create a child thing they are experimenting with. Anyways, no matter how it goes, whether they date me and I already have a child, or they date someone else and have a child with them, they are always going to be raising someone else's baby.

So not only do I get blacklisted by society for being a lesbian, I get blacklisted by the lesbian community because I have a child. Hmm go figure. Oh well I'm happy with or without you. If you don't want to date a woman with a child, someone else will. You could have just missed out on the single most important person in your life!!

April 15, 2011

Deleting and letting go of the past



Ok so as most of you know I'm no longer seeing a few people. There's one in particular that I share a few mutual friends and am still friends with on the ever so popular Facebook. Now here lies the problem. I still get her status updates and see pictures when she posts them. And you know that ever so annoying feature on FB that shows past status updates from certain friends on the advertisement section... yea I'm getting some of hers that are in reference to me back when we were dating. Seriously, ugh.

So now what do I do? Do I delete her as my friend? Is that the final step to letting go of the past? I'm not the type to completely cut off someone even if we don't work out. We can always be cool, or sometimes friends if we are both able to handle it. Plus it's kinda nice to know when something cool is going on with her. Except sometimes it drives me insane. I can't be that vindictive or shallow that I can't deal with seeing a post from her time and time again. I can't still have feelings for her that are preventing me from deleting her all together. What does it say about her that she hasn't deleted me.

I have this rule in my life called Control+ Alt+ Delete. Most of you know what that means in computer terms. Push all three buttons at the same time and the task manager pops up and allows you to end what your doing, esp. if the program is not responding. Same concept can apply to life. Here: Control- Control your temper or the situation. Alt- Find an alternate solution to the problem. Delete- Delete what's hurting your or causing the problem all together. And viola the person, job, or situation is no longer an issue.

By applying this rule to this situation though, I'm creating a barrier for my friends that I have in common with her. That could pose as a problem to them, and is really just unfair. Plus honestly I really do want to be her friend. Or in the least I'll admit I'm a little bitch and want her to be miserable when she sees how successful I turn out and what we could have been. Yea I think that's what it is. So to delete or not to delete that is the question.

April 12, 2011

The Dating Game


I've been back dating now for a few months. Ugh is all I can say. Why is it so hard? Well no let me clear that up. Dating for me is not hard. It's like every woman I have gone out with has fallen in love with me and wanted to take things further... already. Are we in that era of life where it's "hey let's make a commitment" after the first date. Or is it just the emotionally unbalanced trait of women all together? Case in point. There is one chick that I went out with and literally now she is ready to call up every woman in her phone to let them know she is off the market. Then there is an old flame I've been hanging with but I just can't seem to get it right with her.
I try not to smother her, she wants me to. I try to allow her to do what she wants to, she wants to be with me. And yes all that is great!! I would love nothing but to be with her. So why don't I? Hmmm... I say I'm ready. But obviously I'm not if she's only asking simple things of me and I can't comply. And I don't even know why it's so hard for me. She wants me to call more. Normally I smother who I want with calls and texts. She wants to see me every chance I have. Perfect normally I would try to see who I want every day of the week. I'm so out of character. I'm putting so much slack in the leash that I'm hanging myself. I don't even know how to tighten the line.
Maybe I'm still screwed up from the last relationship. So how do I fix it. And not just for her, for every woman I'm dating. I don't want to become bitter. Better yet I don't want to become a man. I can definitely see myself having the mentality of a man right now. Omg help me!!