Most Likely to Succeed or Not to Succeed

So my Spelman 5 year rookie reunion is coming up in a few weeks. I'm trying to decide if I should go or not. The pros, seeing my girls, hanging out, reminiscing, and simply great times in a school I love. The cons, I'm a 27 year old mother with nothing to show for herself. I'm so far from where I thought I would be in life. The road does not seem to be coming to an end any time soon. Picture this: You're driving from Maine to California. I'm in Vermont! Lol see my frustration? My college friends are well on the road somewhere in Colorado, some in Vegas, and well hell, even some are living it up in L.A already. Me, I'm in lonely old Vermont doing who knows what because what in the world is there to do in Vermont?

Do we put too much pressure on ourselves when we set our time lines? Finish with school by 28. Starting a career by 29. Married by 30? And what about life's little pot holes or accidents that happen on the road to our destinations? I hate doubting my self-worth. I have put so much more work into my life overcoming obstacles and battling scenarios that the majority of Spelman sisters never had to deal with. Yet, I put so much emphasis on wanting their approval and meeting the success that both they and I have set for myself.

What does A have to say about my depression? Hmmm... well, she like many others whom I have asked has said that I can't compare my success (or lack there of in my case) to everyone else's. That I am right where God wants me to be in this moment. However, that doesn't stop my frustrations and my doubt within myself. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have a job that pays my bills and takes care or my son's needs. But I would love to be showcasing my talents that has taken me 20 years of education and and 27 years of life to perfect to the best of my ability. Well... I guess I am in this blog huh?!!!

One thing that I have going for myself that I wouldn't change for the world is my beautiful son and A. They make living this life I live all worth while. In the words of Lauryn Hill: " Now the skies could fall, not even if my boss should call. The world just seems so very small. Cuz nothing even matters at all." So I'm going to hang up my insecurities, pin on my happy face, and embrace my Spelman sisters in all their success. All the while I will be waiting for mine to come, no matter how long it takes. I will never give up!